miss conception...

You know you’ve been trying to conceive too long when…

• your best friend buys you the expensive OPK for your birthday
• your family & friends stop asking when you’re going to have kids
• you define your month by cycle day
• you measure your life in 2 week intervals (2 weeks til ovulation or 2 weeks til pregnancy testing)
• when your gynaecologist is on speed dial & your Christmas card list
• one of your most frequent websites you go to everyday is http://www.fertilityfriend.com
• Your husband says “do we have to do it AGAIN? Tonight?”
• all of your closest friends know when you’re ovulating
• you know the staff at the pathology clinic by name
• you have no qualms showing your partner exactly how fertile your cervical mucus is. (“Check this out, it stretches an entire two inches! Isn’t that cool?!”)
• the saying “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch,” means so much more now than it did before
• You know what TTC stands for (Trying to Conceive)
• You feel as if your very womanhood is broken because you can’t get pregnant.
• You belong to online forums, blog groups, and chat rooms in which you know everyone’s cycle days as well as your own
• You’ve had your feet in stirrups more times than you can count and being poked and prodded “down there” doesn’t even phase you anymore
• You buy Ovulation Predictor Kits, Home Pregnancy Tests, and sanitary supplies all in the same shopping trip
• Pregnancy announcements generate tears — and they’re usually not happy ones
• Birth announcements generate even more tears
• You have a love/hate relationship with both the baby & maternity clothes section of all stores, not wanting to go anywhere near them, yet always finding yourself inevitably drawn towards them
• You have colored charts and graphs and blow-by-blow journal entries of your menstrual cycle to present to your doctor at every visit.
• You’ve read every last article that comes up on Google as to why you might not be pregnant, and have a possible treatment plan to present to your doctor in addition to your charts and graphs
• You have an addiction to peeing on sticks
• You deliberately go to a different store each time to buy your pregnancy tests because you don’t want to see one more look of pity on the check-out person’s face
• You have laid with your legs in the air and your hips up on a pillow after sex to keep the sperm in
• You’re tired of having sex and don’t think you can ever have it again (but you always do).
• The only muscle you stir first thing in the morning is your arm muscle, to reach for the basal thermometer so you can test your temperature
• You can immediately do the math to adjust your temperature reading to allow for waking up later than usual
• You could teach health class at the local high school when it comes to a woman’s reproductive system and menstrual cycle
• You’ve ever promised yourself that “this month you aren’t going to stress it or think about it” but you know that is completely impossible to achieve even as you’re saying it
• You have had daydreams of jumping up from your chair and strangling pregnant women when they complain about how sick they are, how badly their back aches, and how fat and ugly they feel for the umpteenth time
• You’ve had similar daydreams surrounding women who do nothing but complain about their children and then inform you that you’re “so lucky and you don’t know what you have to not have children.”
• You’ve called in to work, not because of the first day of cramps, but for another day of heart break
• You stay holed up at home on Mother’s Day
• You feel a world away from your friends that have had a baby and you feel half guilty, half resentful that it’s that way
• You seriously think you’re going to go nuts the next time you hear, “Just don’t think about it or stress out about it…”
• You start puking before your period because you have your mind so hyped up that this time is IT, that your body actually responds
• You actually understand the following sentence: “It’s CD 12 and I just got a positive on an OPK, so DH and I are going to BD tonight which will then bring on the 2WW and hopefully at the end, when I use my HPT to POAS I’ll get a BFP!”