‘…Never tell a friend you don’t like their partner
(unless they ask you straight out, then be truthful but diplomatic)
Forgive people who have hurt you…you too have been
cruel
Don’t be afraid to snort when you laugh
Make as many sentences as you can using the letters
of your name
Nominate one day a year other than your birthday
that is YOUR day
Learn how to realise you are dreaming without
waking up
See a foreign film in a language you don’t speak
without subtitles & make up your own storyline
Count the steps it takes you to get from one place
to another
Pay your bills on time – at least once each
Leave a book in a public place – release it into
the wild
Observe the night sky (preferably through a
telescope) & learn about what you are seeing
Don’t always hurry to get out of the rain
Pack up everything you own into boxes, just to see
how many there would be
Never tell anyone it’s going to be ok, it’s not
& they don’t want to hear it
If your are balding, acknowledge it, it’s
beautiful, comb-overs are not
Never wash your hair with soap
Leave just as the situation is peaking
If he hits you or cheats on you, leave, it will
never be equal again
Exaggerate at least one detail of a spoken
recollection when appropriate but never forget the way it really happened
Every now & then, leave the washing up ‘til
morning
Never let the sun set on an argument
Paint something other than your nails with nail-polish
Transcribe a tram conversation – it is material
that can always be used in some form or another
Always understand exactly what someone is saying to
you, no matter how many times you have to ask for it to be repeated
Learn how to operate a coffee-machine
Touch an amphibian (preferably a frog)
Never mis-pronounce or use words you may falter
over when asked to explain
When people compliment you, nod, do something
unsightly with your mouth & point out a funny shape in the clouds even if
there aren’t any in sight
Acquire re-upholstering remnants & hand-make a
cushion to rest your feet on
Never tell people you’ve done any form of modelling
(even if you have) it not only smacks of vanity, it invites vicious speculation
when you are out of ear-shot
Always own at least 3 varieties of cactus but never
display them in the one place (window-sills excluded)
Never be seen with a lollipop in your mouth
Despite the concensus, they are not cool, it makes
the meatheads think you constantly want to suck cock
(ignore this advice in instances where you DO
constantly want to suck cock)
Send your parents a card with a poem in it
(preferably one you have written yourself)– as long as it does not contain the
word cock, no matter what kind of people they are, they will cherish it
Have 5 variations of your Sunday best but only wear
them outside of weekends - treat the week-day people who know you
If you think this is an epiphany
It isn’t
Step out of the line
Go back 5 re-incarnations
& never tell anyone
about this …’
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